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Asked by Anonymous Anonymous

Yo mang you should update.

AX 2011

Cross-posted on DA
Otherwise named “AX Artist Alley Tabling Adventure Extravaganza!” by yours truly.

Thanks everyone who stopped by, took a business card, or bought something! (Even if it wasn’t mine lol) I managed to make back my portion of the table, but not enough to cover printing costs. eh. As long as I sell the prints eventually it’ll work out, so I’m not too worried about that XD

On to the con report.

有時候我會想

『如果可以將我在乎的所有人
他們的痛苦　他們的悲傷　他們的病痛

全部接收下來－－』

可不可以？

其實我是一個很會貶低自己的人
就算我會痛苦　我會哭泣　我會臥病不起

如果有辦法代替他們受難
如果這樣他們可以活的

開心一點　快樂一點　輕鬆一點

那我願意

對我來說

『他們』

比我

『重要』

這樣的我　會不會太自以為是？
這樣的舉動　會不會造成反效果？
這樣的想法　會不會只是自我滿足…

Dear Diary…

Back when I was but a budding teen, and livejournal was all the rage and very cool, I climbed on the bandwagon and got myself a livejournal. And then I remembered that I am absolutely terrible at keeping diaries. Over the years of my so-far-not-very-long life I have attempt to start and keep a diary on numerous occasions, after all, the cool kids were doing it. I failed. Repeatedly. Every single time. Somewhere on my nightmarishly emo livejournal I had once written something along the lines of, “I want to remember, I don’t want to forget the little moments in your daily life that brighten your day.” That never came to fruition. I think I managed to last a week before I gave up and decided I had nothing to write about.

To me, everything is relative. Things that seem hilarious and awesome and blog/journal-worthy at the moment quickly loses its appeal when I finally sit down in front of the computer at the end of the day.

Nothing seemed important enough.

Perhaps it comes down to my opinion that I’m not important enough. It’s a ridiculously crushing idea likely sparked by relative neglect from friends and family during my self-esteem-forming years. Getting side-lined in a group of friends, somehow finding yourself tittering on the edge of the in-group when you thought you were in the in-group, having your opinions overruled, getting invited to a party as an afterthought, etc. And you know how it is when a younger sibling is born; suddenly you’re not the baby of the family anymore and all the attention is diverted. It’s not that they don’t love you anymore/as much, but because babies can’t fend for themselves yet and being watched over is important for their survival.

Whatever the reason, I was (and still am) unable to shake the feeling that nothing I say is important (to other people). No one really cares how my day went or that I saw a cat on the way home and it was cute and made me instantly ten times happier. No one really cares that I missed the bus by a minute, again, twice in the same day. No one really cares that I helped three French boys buy stamps from the automated post service machine-thing and still feel bad for not giving them exact change due to frantic coin grabbing when they pressed a dollar bill toward me.

I know that none of that is true, and that there are at least a dozen people on this third rock from the sun who care and wouldn’t mind spending a few minutes of their lives listening to me ramble pointlessly, but somehow, I just can’t make myself believe it and accept it. To me, I am simply,

Not important enough.

austinkleon:

How To Steal Like An Artist (And 9 Other Things Nobody Told Me)

10 things I wish somebody told me when I was in college.

drawnblog:

When Austin Kleon has things to say about creativity, being an artist, and getting your work out there, you best listen.

Thanks, John!

Procrastination at it’s best.

Dubito ergo cogito ergo sum

It all started when I was at the Taiwan Flora Expo with my cousin in December (it’s huge btw, and I didn’t actually go anywhere when I was there cuz’ I’m lame and it was raining, cousin was there for work and I was just tagging along). There was a touch screen booth that probably introduced parts of the expo, but I paid that part no attention and went straight to the horoscopes part. Partially because my cousin wanted to show me that part. The horoscope said:

“Gemini. Weakness: over-thinking may cause neurosis.”
(General translation from the Chinese as I understood it. There was obviously more to the horoscope like characteristics and how good or bad my luck/love life/money concerns would be that week.)

I immediately agreed.

I absolutely hate thinking. But I can’t not think. Thinking leads to over-thinking which leads to self-loathing over half the time, so I try to not think whenever I realize I’m cornering myself into a dead end. I hate thinking so much that once, when a friend asked me what’s going through my brain when I space out I considered my thoughts and answered, “Nothing.”

Nothing, is most likely a lie. The truth is probably more along the lines of this: I was thinking about something, but I didn’t like where the thought was going so I killed it, dug a hole six feet deep, and buried it. Then proceeded to try and forget that I ever thought about it. The end result? My mind pulls a blank and I am thinking of “Nothing (of importance).”

But over the next two months following, the horoscope got the gears in my brain turning, and I realized I had a lot of ideas and opinions which, to me, were quite interesting. Things that, if I didn’t write down, I would forget. In my vast despair of role confusion for once I felt like I was making progress—

So here we are.

This is me.

Mission Statement

I am probably doing this wrong, because I fully intend on using tumblr to blog (likely) long, (most definitely) ramble-y posts about the way I think about this world. World not in the earthly sense, but more of the concept of the world. Perhaps something more of the philosophy of things, or the psychology of things. Of course, I am no expert in either of those fields so this is just my very unprofessional view of my world.

I do not intend to use this blog as a personal journal.

I do not intend to use this tumblr to advocate… anything.

Here in this corner of the vast and infinite internet I will instead record and sort my thoughts, and perhaps find an identity that I can live with (more later).

I will also be doubling this tumblr as a bit of a sketch blog, if possible, and post other random tidbits that I feel like sharing. Currently that means cosplay progress shoots cuz’ I think it’ll be fun to share, if only because I love seeing project progress shots of almost anything crafty. I’m so full of myself, haha. But we’ll leave that topic to another day as well.

I’m quite certain that most of my posts will be ridiculously long-winded, so don’t say I didn’t warn you (:
Just look at me, posting as if I have followers lol, so full of myself *shakes head*

“

Nobody tells this to people who are beginners, I wish someone told me. All of us who do creative work, we get into it because we have good taste. But there is this gap. For the first couple years you make stuff, it’s just not that good. It’s trying to be good, it has potential, but it’s not. But your taste, the thing that got you into the game, is still killer. And your taste is why your work disappoints you. A lot of people never get past this phase, they quit. Most people I know who do interesting, creative work went through years of this. We know our work doesn’t have this special thing that we want it to have. We all go through this. And if you are just starting out or you are still in this phase, you gotta know its normal and the most important thing you can do is do a lot of work. Put yourself on a deadline so that every week you will finish one story. It is only by going through a volume of work that you will close that gap, and your work will be as good as your ambitions. And I took longer to figure out how to do this than anyone I’ve ever met. It’s gonna take awhile. It’s normal to take awhile. You’ve just gotta fight your way through.

—Ira Glass (via hyperallergic)

(Source: barbariangroup.com, via ananthymous)